The Truth About Strippers

Strippers fall into any of the following categories:

The Alcoholic

Can be found leaning against the bar generally nursing a glass of wine or other beverage or nursing a customer to buy said beverage, will occasionally communicate with an almost inaudible “I love you” at fellow passing strippers. Also regularly seen being yelled at by infuriated manager to which usual response is “hiccup I love you”. WARNING dangerous if allowed to enter stage area.

The Aggressive Depressive

Hates job, men and generally everything involved in stripping and moans on a regular basis about it but makes no attempt at a career change. Can be silenced by sudden increase in earnings.

The Smooth Talker

Can be found draped around vulnerable men like a 1940s fox fir, fluttering eyelashes and whispering niceties before subtlety robbing said poor bastard of all life savings through means of ‘VIP’. Can be seen at end of an evening dragging bag along floor due to the bulging notes protruding from it.

The Bitch

Seemingly has only one intention in the workplace – to gossip, bitch and be generally unpleasant. Often comes equipped with excessive make-up, hair extensions, fake nails and fake tan. Upgraded model also comes with large breast implants and a trout pout.

The High Earner

This stripper is a rare sighting within the bar area, this often due to busy wallet raping taking precedence, often seen near the end of the night dragging a rather bulging clutch bag behind her.

The Quiet Normal One

Does not communicate often with other strippers, but is a regular sighting within bar area. Usually goes unnoticed not much else is known about it.

The Foreign Tongue

Often hangs around in packs talking loudly in a foreign tongue. WARNING may hiss, spit or bite if you get too close or walk near with its favourite prey (man). This breed is best left alone as antagonising can lead to unpleasant consequences.

The Stuck Record

Only programmed with one phrase "do you want a dance" which is repeated over and over again to any customer that comes into earshot. Generally not very successful at job!