Well the 3 month barrier looms tomorrow, oddly it has come as both a comfort and a friendly brick through the air of a reminder, that all that I have gone through this last 3 months, I have to do all again. Surely it can't be that bad can it? Hmmm that's what I was telling myself 3 months ago, when I sat on that train back from London, wondering what it was going to feel like, what emotions I was going to encounter and how I would cope with a new life, a new uni, a new job and an absent boyfriend. The moral support of friends soon rallied round me like a protective security blanket and the word "communication" was continually flung at me rather like protesters with little white signs that ensure you definitely get the message!...."Make sure you communicate all the time, don't lose contact!! It's the only way it'll work"
Can't be that bad can it? As long as we have Skype and the telephone it'll be easy right?
It is no easy task approaching a brand new relationship, the most precious first months or the 'honeymoon period' as people call it, are where you get to know each other. We only had 7 weeks to do this and now the telephone and Skype have become our only means of dating, rather like a third party forcibly involving itself in our relationship, not the most romantic or exciting prospect. Drinking wine and having a "how was your day" conversation when it isn't even his day over there and it's my morning and he's just got up and I'm just going to bed, he's been out and he's drunk and I'm going to bed drunk and he's just getting up...confusing huh?! It definitely is. The need to keep checking the extra clock you've placed next to your UK time in your phone becomes an almost daily occurrence before "communication" ensues.
That's what getting to know someone is really about isn't it? Knowing their habits and what they are like when they're just being them. A mobile phone or a wifi connection doesn't let you do that does it? There's no way of knowing what someone is feeling from words. The telephone forces you to "communicate" and sometimes the best "communication" doesn't needs words.
The telephone is such a bastard, oh really it is! It forces you to make meaningless conversation, when sometimes all you want to do with your boyfriend is to be near them, sat on the sofa, not speaking but being together. The prospect of sharing the same air supply sounds so much better than sharing a wifi connection!
Oh the evil telephone and its kidnapping ways and the evil bitch Skype, that taunts me by showing me his face when I'm not able to touch it. What if the day you decide to talk, is a day one of you or both of you just aren't really feeling much like talking?! We're all human at the end of the day? We don't feel like talking everyday do we? It has happened a few times, one of us tired, not feeling up to talking and the conversation has fallen into silent mode on several occasions. It is neither party's fault, it is simply that sometimes, it's just nice not to talk right? Even if we've had a great conversation, after we've hung up I'm often left staring at my phone and I catch myself telling an inanimate object "I fucking hate you". Yes that's right, I actually hate my phone that has locked my boyfriend inside it. The evil object that makes "communication" a nasty word.
So how will I combat the 3 month brick wall? The same way I've combatted the 3 month kick up the backside which I've just completed, by carrying on, working hard, enjoying my new experiences and hoping that by some miracle mother nature might speed things up a bit. Fat chance but every girl has dreams right?!
I love my university, my new friends, my new found love of riding horses (which I thought was something I'd never combat again) and most of all, I call Manchester my home now and it really does feel like my home now (even with its lack of fervent newspaper readers). I just can't wait for him to be a part of it again. I feel like I've done so much since he's been gone, there's so much I want to show him, simply telling him about it really doesn't make it that exciting.
It has been hard, but it's not all bad, being apart has made me love him all the more, it makes me realise how important just being in each others company really is...I'd crave 5 minutes, to just be stood next to him in the kitchen doing something as simple and meaningless as making a cup of tea, no words, no "communication" simply trivial, unthought actions and everyday dullness! Being apart makes you appreciate the little things just that little bit more and it's going to make them that much better.
The crave of normality is immense and the urge to throw my mobile a daily struggle! So I keep repeating "it's only 3 months" or "12 weeks" as I prefer because weeks don't sound as bad as months do they? Each day that figure slowly depletes, until eventually it will be time for him to come home and the evil word "communication" will be something to enjoy not to dread and perhaps my mobile and I might even become friends again. A life of just words is not one for me, simple things are so much more exciting xxx
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